My tweets

Monday, 12 September 2011 12:23
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My tweets

Sunday, 11 September 2011 12:15
claidheamhmor: (Default)

My tweets

Saturday, 27 August 2011 12:15
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My tweets

Wednesday, 24 August 2011 12:00
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claidheamhmor: (Vendetta 2)
I had to laugh at the wry humour in Hayibo's latest poke at the British riots.

Africa to send troops, food parcels to UK as riots spread

ETHIOPIA. The African Union today adopted a unilateral resolution to deploy army troops and care packages to England as looting and violence spread from London to other major cities. Spokesperson Charity Khumalo said “We can no longer stand by while these savages tear themselves apart.”

The AU, meeting today in an emergency session to discuss the ongoing rioting in the UK, has declared that they will do “everything in their power to help bring civilisation to England”.

“It’s just so sad, you know?” said Khumalo, speaking from the organisation’s HQ in Addis Ababa. “Sitting here and watching them on TV while their society implodes. We cannot in good conscience remain idle and let it happen.”

The AU has announced a range of initiatives that Africans can get involved with to help alleviate the misery of the English.

“For instance, we have launched an ‘Adopt an English child’ programme,” Khumalo explained, showing journalists brochures featuring the faces of English kids. “If you donate a mere R50 a month, you can see to it that sweet little Johnny from Peckham receives a basic education, a pack of condoms and a pair of pimpin’ Nikes.”

Khumalo also said that the AU would be parachuting in dentists along with army troops as part of a ‘Feel better about yourselves, Brits!’ initiative.

“You can understand why they’re turning on each other,” the spokesperson told journalists. “You look in the mirror and you see teeth untouched by modern dentistry. It’s heartbreaking enough to make anyone put a brick through a Starbucks.”

The organisation also plans to air-drop care packages on major UK cities.

“Vegetables, mainly,” Khumalo confirmed. “We’re sending them vegetables and toothpaste.”

The AU’s flagship event, however, will be a star-studded rock concert to be held in Johannesburg, with all proceeds going towards the establishment of mobile libraries around the UK. Artists ranging from Mafikizolo to Steve Hofmeyr have pledged to perform at the show.

“As a humanitarian, it’s the least I can do,” Hofmeyr said yesterday. “I look at those photos of the adorable little beasts knifing each other in fights over looted X-Boxes and I want to hug them and give them a nice hot cup of Milo.”

Meanwhile, the week’s events have seen terrified South Africans in London and Manchester packing their bags for home.

“This country is going to the dogs, dude,” said Werner du Preez, a gap-year student from Johannesburg. “I’ve been offered a nice little two-bedroom place in Hillbrow where I can feel safe again.”

Source: Hayibo

My tweets

Wednesday, 27 July 2011 12:00
claidheamhmor: (Default)

My tweets

Friday, 1 July 2011 12:15
claidheamhmor: (Default)

LOTR shirt

Friday, 17 June 2011 16:17
claidheamhmor: (Fiday)
I want this Lord of the Rings T-shirt!

From Failblog ([ profile] failblog_rss)

My tweets

Thursday, 26 May 2011 12:36
claidheamhmor: (Default)
  • Wed, 21:26: RT @DrTwittenheimer: With a proper diet and regular exercise, women can retain a perfect body well into their early twenties. #fb
  • Thu, 06:35: I'm glad we finally have some decently cool weather for winter. #fb

My tweets

Sunday, 22 May 2011 12:00
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For the parents

Friday, 13 May 2011 11:01
claidheamhmor: (EF-111 in the sunset)
This will resonate with the parents of young kids. A new bedtime story:

Go the F*k to Sleep

My tweets

Saturday, 30 April 2011 12:00
claidheamhmor: (Default)
  • Fri, 12:37: I think the archbishop should have done the Princess Bride speech: "Mawage. Mawage is what bwings us togethah." "Skip to the end." #fb
  • Fri, 12:39: "Wuv. Twue wuv, will fowow you fowevah. So tweasue your wuv..." "Skip to the end." Yes, would have been much better. #fb

My tweets

Sunday, 24 April 2011 12:00
claidheamhmor: (Default)
  • Sat, 18:01: A Hore plays hooker for the Hurricanes rugby team. Classic. #fb

My tweets

Saturday, 23 April 2011 12:00
claidheamhmor: (Default)
  • Fri, 13:30: RT @DrTwittenheimer: If you edited out all the boring, pointless parts, most people's lives would be the same length as an average movie.

My tweets

Friday, 8 April 2011 12:00
claidheamhmor: (Default)
  • Thu, 20:06: Overheard: "Sex came later in life. That's why I learned Linux." Response: "And which was better?" #fb
claidheamhmor: (Pentagram)
A church in Australia is trying to get more bums on seats, by appealing to fans of fantasy literature.

Conservative Christians slam fantasy church service in Romsey
By Shannon Deery
From:Herald Sun
April 06, 2011 9:12AM

A CHURCH service where the angels and saints make way for wizards and warlocks has been damned by conservative Christians.

Fans dressed as Wookies and vampires will be among the throng to hear passages from those bibles of fantasy The Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter at a "Sci-Fi and Fantasy Friendly Church Service".

The Reverend Avril Hannah-Jones is behind Sunday's service at the Uniting Church in Romsey, north of Melbourne, which is aimed at getting more bums on pews.

The sci-fi enthusiast said the service would explore parallels between fantasy and Christianity, taking inspiration from Dr Who, Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Star Wars.

But traditionalists have slammed the service's irreverence and lack of emphasis on scripture. Sources close to the church told the Herald Sun the plan had split locals.

"There are some that aren't very happy about it, especially because it just sort of happened out of the blue," a parishioner said.

Other church leaders said it was blasphemous and could encourage witchcraft and supernatural ideas.

"I don't have a problem with people enjoying sci-fi, but church isn't the place to encourage escapism and fancy dress," Mentone Baptist minister Murray Campbell said.

"It is the time where real people with real lives need to hear the real God speak his word, the Bible.

"We really ought to get our theology and world view from the Bible, not Frodo Baggins - as cool as he is."

Catholic priest Gerald O'Collins said: "There should be no need to dress it up.

"There is a magical story there already - We just have to start selling ourselves properly."

But Australian Baptist movement spokesman Rod Benson said the service was a unique opportunity to introduce more people to Christianity.

Mr Benson, an ethicist and public theologian, said the innovative approach was commendable.

"Baptists affirm the biblical teaching condemning occult practices, but this Uniting Church congregation's sci-fi/fantasy theme is commendable if it connects with the community and serves its purpose well," he said.

"What matters is how the church leaders frame the cultural theme within a Christian context.

"The supernatural is not the sole domain of malevolent forces. Indeed, Christians affirm that every aspect of life has a spiritual connection."

Mr Benson said familiar stories, such as Harry Potter, The Lord of the Rings, Star Wars, Buffy, and Dr Who involved people wrestling with moral choices.

"(They) show the triumph of human virtue and the good over all kinds of moral and spiritual challenges," he said.

Uniting Church moderator Isabel Thomas Dobson said Sunday's service had the full support of the church authorities.

"We're always looking for ways in which we can connect the community with the truth of the gospel.

"We're talking fantasy, not reality," she said.

"It's a once-off."

Source: Herald Sun

I must admit, I find the irony palpable.

For example: Catholic priest Gerald O'Collins said: "There should be no need to dress it up. There is a magical story there already - We just have to start selling ourselves properly."

Or: "We're always looking for ways in which we can connect the community with the truth of the gospel. We're talking fantasy, not reality."

Awesome canoe

Friday, 8 April 2011 10:31
claidheamhmor: (Fiday)
How's this USS Missouri battlecanoe?

(From [ profile] failblog_rss)

Kill markings

Friday, 8 April 2011 10:24
claidheamhmor: (F-111 in the Sky)
[ profile] icanhaschzbrgr posted pics of cars owned by cat-obsessed people.

I look at this one, though, and my first thought is that they're kill markings....

My tweets

Thursday, 7 April 2011 12:00
claidheamhmor: (Default)
  • Thu, 08:16: RT @DrTwittenheimer: These sports bras are getting really specific. Did you know that they have one just for doing push-ups? #fb

My tweets

Friday, 18 March 2011 12:00
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My tweets

Tuesday, 8 March 2011 12:00
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My tweets

Friday, 25 February 2011 12:00
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My tweets

Wednesday, 16 February 2011 12:01
claidheamhmor: (Default)
  • Wed, 07:09: I just saw a woman walking beside the road in a bridal gown. How very odd. #fb
  • Wed, 09:31: RT @Snowflake_007: I wish that someone would invent something like 'Caller IQ' - that way I can at least see how stupid someone is befor ...
claidheamhmor: (Conan)
I had forgotten about it, but a recent episode of Darths & Droids reminded me of the Wandering Damage table that was in one of Dragon Magazine's April Fool's issues.

How To Use The Wandering Damage System

First there was the wandering monster. They serve well when applied in hordes, but why not cut out the middleman and just deal out damage to the characters directly? It makes for a smoother, faster-paced game, and if you want to kill off characters quickly, it can only be beaten by divine intervention by Cthulhoid godlings.

Instructions: Whenever a player annoys you in any way, by wearing tasteless clothes or eating the last corn chip, ask him to roll a d20. He may become worried that he's rolling a saving throw. Ha, ha!!! Little does he know that he just rolled on the Wandering Damage System matrix!!! Repeat the roll as often as desired.

The Wandering Damage System Matrix
Roll Result
1 Your character has fallen down a flight of stairs; roll his dexterity or less on percentile dice, or else consult Limb Loss Subtable.
2 The monster your character just killed gets up and attacks him, doing 8-80 points of damage.
3 Your character smells smoke; his right arm is on fire. Take 14 points of damage and save vs. gangrene.
4 Your character cuts himself while shaving; consult Limb Loss Subtable.
5 Your character's nose hairs catch fire and he dies of smoke inhalation.
6 Your character stumbles backward into a yawning chasm and disappears from view.
7 The next time your character says something, he eats his words, chokes on them, and dies.
8 Something cuts your character's nose off, doing 2-12 points damage and really messing up his charisma.
9 Your character steps on a piece of glass; consult Limb Loss Subtable.
10 Your character suddenly catches a severe case of brain death.
11 Something invisible chews on your character, doing 6-36 points damage.
12 Your character develops an incredibly severe case of arthritis and can grasp nothing with his hands; he drops anything he's holding - and if that happened to be a sword or an axe, consult the Limb Loss Subtable.
13-20 Consult the Random Damage Subtable for no reason whatsoever.

Limb Loss Subtable (roll d6)

1 - Left leg gone
2 - Right leg gone
3 - Left arm gone
4 - Right arm gone
5 - Head gone
6 - Torso cut in half

Random Damage Subtable
Dice roll Result
01-05 Take 10 hit points damage.
06-10 Take 15 hit points damage.
11-20 Take 30 hit points damage.
21-25 Take 10 hit points damage and consult Limb Loss Subtable, modifying die roll by +5.
26-30 Take 10 hit points damage and roll again on Wandering Damage System Matrix.
31-35 Take 15 hit points damage and then take 30 more.
36-40 Roll every die you own for damage.
41-45 Take 17 hit points damage.
46-50 Take 42 hit points damage.
51-55 Multiply your character's age by 5. Take three times that much damage.
56-60 Take 24 hit points damage and then take 31 more.
61-65 Take 1,000 hit points damage and roll again.
66-70 Roll every die within 30 feet for damage.
71-73 Add up the total hit points of everyone in the party. Take that much damage.
74-75 Take 3 hit points damage and consider yourself very lucky - for the time being.
76-00 What? You didn't get hurt? That's impossible - this system is foolproof. Roll again.

My tweets

Sunday, 23 January 2011 12:00
claidheamhmor: (Default)
  • Sat, 17:27: RT @DrTwittenheimer: Roughly half the human population suffers from the chromosomal disorder known as "Double X Syndrome". #fb

Tuesday people

Wednesday, 5 January 2011 18:56
claidheamhmor: (Cylon Raider)
My sister introduced me to the term "Tuesday people" the other day; she created it.

You know when you're in a shopping mall, and you're walking along, there are people dawdling in front of you (I call them "mobile bollards"), people standing in entrances chatting while blocking everyone else, people who seem startled to discover they need to get their purses out when they're at the tills, people who stop suddenly because they saw something colourful, and people who wander about and can't seem to decide where they're going? Those people all need to be allocated a single day of the week on which they can go to shopping malls so that they don't get in the way of everyone else. Their day should be Tuesday, thus people with that behaviour are "Tuesday people".

My tweets

Thursday, 21 October 2010 12:22
claidheamhmor: (Default)
claidheamhmor: (Pentagram)
XKCD nailed this one perfectly: The economic argument on quackery.

It's along the lines of something I've argued: if something works, it changes the way things are done. Sterilisation worked in medicine, so it got used. Antibiotics worked, so they got used. If faith healing worked, it would be part of all hospitals' standard procedures.

I can Engrish use.

Wednesday, 23 June 2010 15:42
claidheamhmor: (Vendetta 2)
On Saturday I was at Showbiz in Cresta, looking for party costumes or accessories. Some of the products there are refreshingly cheap, but one can tell that the manufacturers never bothered to hire an English-speaker.

For example...
Cut for image )

Then there's a costume to turn one into a geek:
Cut for images )

The oil leak

Sunday, 13 June 2010 17:13
claidheamhmor: (Conan)
President Obama has a solution to BP's oil leak in the Gulf.

claidheamhmor: (Tartan)
This morning's prank call on Highveld Stereo was amusing. Whackhead phoned a few Rangers-affiliated pubs in Glasgow to arrange a birthday party for himself - and he wanted the pub decorated in the colours of his favourite football team, Celtic. The Scots will appreciate this, I think...

Whackhead's calls to Rangers pubs

The Avatar script

Wednesday, 6 January 2010 12:39
claidheamhmor: (Cylon Raider)
I found a copy of the Pocahontas Dances with Smurfs Avatar script on the net. Here it is:

Cut for image )
claidheamhmor: (UnderworldEvolution)
Faith healers
I read the headline of the article below, and for a moment, thought the quack faith healers were doing something useful by cleaning the country's roads. Sadly, it appears that they're slaughtering chickens and putting snuff and beer on the roads instead.

Faith healers cleanse city's dangerous roads )

A night in the shop
This was amusing: shoppers at a department store in Britain were trapped by snow, and spent a lovely night in the bedding department. Sounds like the kids had a lot of fun. Nice going by the store management!

Trapped shoppers take it lying down )
claidheamhmor: (Pentagram)
Apparently our esteemed former Minister of Health may be getting a second liver transplant. For those who don't know, Manto had a reputation for heavy drinking, and during her tenure as Health Minister, she and former President Mbeki were instrumental in denying government-supplied antiretroviral drugs to HIV/AIDS patients. Hayibo has this to say:

Dr Johnnie Walker, Dr Jack Daniels on standby for Manto transplant

PRETORIA. South Africa's top surgeons are standing by as speculation mounts that former Health Minister Manto Tshabalala-Msimang will require a second liver transplant. According to insiders, liver experts Dr Johnnie Walker and Dr Jack Daniels are ready to lead an all-star team featuring Dr Jameson, Dr Gilbey, and French consultant Dr Vermouth.

Weekend newspapers reported on speculation that Tshabalala-Msimang could need a second transplant because her first liver has been rejected by her body in much the same way as her policies were rejected by modern science.

This morning her aides said they did not want to speculate on her condition, although they did confirm that Tshabalala-Msimang had asked the media to call them "advisors" rather than "aides" because "'aides' sounds too much like 'Aids', and 'Aids' sounds like something that might get someone accused of genocide through negligence".

However, independent sources confirmed this morning that a crack team of surgeons and liver experts had been assembled to perform a second transplant if it was required.

According to Glen Fiddich, spokesman for the Thabo Mbeki African Renaissance Ubuntu Clinic and Sanatorium in Sandton, Tshabalala-Msimang would be operated on by a "dream team" including Dr Johnnie Walker and Dr Jack Daniels leading the likes of Dr Jameson, Dr Gilbey and Dr Vermouth.

"At this point the patient is really on the rocks," explained Fiddich. "But she's more shaken than stirred."

He said that rumours of alcohol abuse should be "taken with a pinch of salt and a dash of lime".

"I don't have Absolut 100 percent proof," he said.

He added that Tshabalala-Msimang had plenty to be grateful for.

"For one thing she can thank her lucky stars that she is not an HIV-positive patient during her own tenure as Health Minister," he said.

"She would have died five years ago and been recorded as another victim of cerebral malaria, poverty, racism, or all three."

He said that Tshabalala-Msimang had been offered an African potato instead of a replacement liver before her first transplant but he confirmed that she had opted for the liver and would probably go the same route this time if a transplant was needed.

Source: Hayibo
claidheamhmor: (Broadsword-blue)
Found on the net somewhere...

Understanding South Africans
What is a braai? It is the first thing you will be invited to when you visit South Africa . A braai is a backyard barbecue and it will take place whatever the weather. So you will have to go even if it's raining like mad. At a braai you will be introduced to a substance known as mieliepap.

This one of the most useful South African words. Pronounced like the "ach" in the German "achtung", it can be used to start a reply when you are asked a tricky question, as in: "Ag, I don't know." Or a sense of resignation:"Ag OK, I'll have some more mieliepap then." It can stand alone too as a signal of irritation.

A rude word, it comes from the Afrikaans "donder" (thunder). Pronounced "dorner", it means "beat up." A team member in your rugby team can get donnered in a game, or your wife can donner you if you come back from a braai at three in the morning.

Widely used by all language groups, this word, derived from the Afrikaans, means "ouch." Pronounced "aynah". You can say it in sympathy when you see your friend the day after he got donnered by his wife.

Often used at the end of a sentence to emphasize the importance of what has just been said, as in "You're only going to get donnered if you come in late again, hey?" It can also stand alone as a question. Instead of saying "excuse me?" or "pardon me?" when you have not heard something directed at you, you can always say: "Hey?"

This is another great word to use in conversations. Derived from the two words "is" and "it", it can be used when you have nothing to contribute if someone tells you something at a braai. For instance, if someone would say: "The Russians will succeed in their bid for capitalism once they adopt a work ethic and respect for private ownership." It is quite appropriate to respond by saying: "Izit?"

Ja well no fine
This is another conversation fallback. Derived from the four words: "yes", "well", "no" and fine", it roughly means "OK". If your bank manager tells you your account is overdrawn, you can, with confidence, say: "Jawelnofine."

Pronounced "klup" - an Afrikaans word meaning smack, whack or spank. If you spend too much time in front of the TV during exam time, you could end up getting a "klap" from your mother. In America , that is called child abuse. In South Africa , it is called promoting education. But to get "lekker geklap" is to get motherlessly drunk.

An Afrikaans word meaning nice, this word is used by all language groups to express approval. If you enjoyed a braai thoroughly, you can say: "Now that was lekk-errrrrrr!" while drawing out the last syllable.

These are sneakers or running shoes. The word is also used to describe automobile or truck tyres. "Fat tackies" are really wide tyres, as in: "You've got lekker fat tackies on your Vôlla, hey?"

This word has two basic meanings, one good and one bad. First the good: A dop is a drink, a cocktail, a sundowner, a noggin. When invited for a dop, be careful! It could be one sedate drink or a blast, depending on the company. Now the bad: To dop is to fail. If you "dopped" standard two (Grade 4) more than once, you probably won't be reading this.

This is a sandwich. For generations, school- children have traded "saamies" during lunch breaks. In South Africa you don't send your kid to school with liver-polony saamies. They are impossible to trade.

This word is pronounced "bucky" and can refer to a small truck or pick-up. If a young man takes his "girl" (date) in a bakkie it could be considered as a not so "lekker" form of transport because the seats can't recline.

This is a universal South African greeting, and you will hear this word throughout the country. It is often accompanied with the word "Yes!" as in: "Yes, howzit?". In which case you answer "No, fine."

Now now
In much of the outside world, this is a comforting phrase: "Now now, it's really not so bad." But in South Africa , this phrase is used in the following manner: "Just wait, I'll be there now now." It means "a little after now".

Tune grief
To be tuned grief is to be aggravated, harassed. For example, if you argue with somebody about a rugby game at a braai and the person had too much dop (is a little "geklap"), he might easily get aggravated and say.: "You're tuning me grief, hey!". To continue the argument after this could be unwise and result in major tuning of grief..

This is an Afrikaans word meaning "brother" which is shared by all language groups. Pronounced "boot" but shorter, as in "foot", it can be applied to a brother or any person of the male sex. For instance a father can call his son "boet" and friends can apply the term to each other too. Sometimes the diminutive "boetie" is used. But don't use it on someone you hardly know - it will be thought patronizing and could lead to you getting a "lekker klap".

From the Afrikaans phrase meaning "Watch Out!", this warning is used and heeded by all language groups. As in: "The boss hasn't had his coffee yet - so you better pasop boet" Sometimes just the word "pasop!" is enough without further explanation. Everyone knows it sets out a line in the sand not to be crossed.

Skop, Skiet en donner
Literally "kick, shoot and thunder", this phrase is used by many South African speakers to describe action movies. A Clint Eastwood movie is always a good choice if you're in the mood for of a lekker skop, skiet en donner flick.

Pronounced - "frot". A expressive word which means "rotten" or "putrid" in Afrikaans, it is used by all language groups to describe anything they really dislike. Most commonly intended to describe fruit or vegetables whose shelf lives have long expired, but a pair of old tackies (sneakers) worn a few years too long can be termed "vrot" by some unfortunate folk which find themselves in the same vicinity as the wearer. Also a rugby player who misses important kicks or tackles
can be said to have played a vrot game - opposite to a "lekker" game (but not to his face). A movie was once reviewed with this headline: "Slick Flick, Vrot Plot."

Rock up
To rock up is to just, sort of arrive (called "gate crash" in other parts of the world). You don't make an appointment or tell anyone you are coming - you just rock up. Friends can do that but you have to be selective about it. For example, you can't just rock up for a job interview.

To scale something is to steal it. A person who is "scaly" has a doubtful character, is possibly a scumbag, and should rather be left off the invitation list to your next braai.

"Yes No" in English. Politics in South Africa has always been associated with family arguments and in some cases even with physical fights. It is believed that this expression originated with a family member who didn't want to get a klap or get donnerred, so he just every now and then muttered "ja-nee". Use it when you are required to respond, but would rather not choose to agree or disagree.
claidheamhmor: (Stranger in a Strange Land)
I was amused by this - Hayibo makes some fun of the South African refugee in Canada.

Huntley case helps Darfur survivors gain perspective

CAPE TOWN. Survivors of the genocide in Darfur have issued a formal apology for overstating their case, saying they were forced to reassess the extent of their plight once confronted with the terrible story of South African refugee Brandon Huntley. "It's like Jerry Springer," said one, "you only realize how fortune has favoured you when they bring out the seriously dysfunctional at the end of the show."

Sudanese refugee, Abdul Wardi, currently living illegally in Mowbray, Cape Town, said he could only imagine how tough things must have been for Hartley. "He spent a whole winter living in a basement in Ottowa. Could anything be worse?"

Wardi, who walked from Khartoum to Cape Town said Huntley's journey must have been significantly more dangerous than his own. "He made it all the way to Canada, I only made it to South Africa. It's hard to imagine the degree of persecution a man must have suffered for him to be driven that far."

Wardi said it was only after Monday's ruling that he was finally able to understand why repeated appeals to the West from humanitarian groups working in Darfur had fallen on deaf ears.

"They are busy assessing important applications like Huntley's," acknowledged Wardi. "They can only do one thing at a time."

He said he was also able to understand why Huntley had chosen Canada as the place to lodge his appeal for refugee status. "The most famous black person in Canada is Leonard Cohen," he said. "It's all so clear now."

Meanwhile responding to Wardi's comments and the furore that greeted the ruling on Huntley's status a spokesman for the Canadian government, Chalky Canuck, expressed regret.

"It saddens us to hear of a second genocide in Africa so soon after the terrible events in South Africa."

Canuck went on to say he hoped his country's decision to grant refugee status to Huntley would be a small silver lining and a tribute to the millions of white people who had suffered during South Africa's worst ever atrocity."

When it was pointed out to him that raced based persecution in South Africa had ended in 1994 and that the country had never experienced the horrors of a genocide, Canuck said the evidence presented by Huntley's attorney's had shown otherwise.

"The tribunal has ruled," he said. "I am sure history will prove them correct."

Source: Hayibo

Women's Day

Tuesday, 11 August 2009 11:55
claidheamhmor: (Fiday)
This is almost not parody, disturbingly...

Women's Day reminds grateful women that men own the other 364 days

JOHANNESBURG. Women across the country have thanked their menfolk for reminding them of their place in South African society, saying that Women's Day was a "wonderful and timely reminder" that the other 364 days of the year belong to men. They added that the day has inspired them to try to be more like men, and they hope one day to earn a second day.

Women's Day is a relatively new public holiday in South Africa, instituted after the country's men realised that they could cram more sexual violence into their year if their partners stayed at home an extra day.

"She's easier to beat up if she's pottering around in the kitchen," explained one of the inventors of the day, Stanley "The Hammer" Molephe.

"Plus, if you have a Women's Day, it's implied that the other 364 days are Men's Day.

"So it kind of kills two birds with one stone.

"Or concusses one bird with one half-brick, as the case may be."

His wife was unable to comment as she is currently in traction and "not taking visitors, ever again, in case she tries to escape in a suitcase".

Meanwhile those women who were not in traction have echoed Molephe's sentiments, saying that they were grateful for a whole day dedicated to them, on which they could pamper the men in their lives.

"Feminism isn't dead," cooed one housewife who wished to remain anonymous, largely because she could not remember her name. "It can't be dead because it never lived."

Her neighbour, who has produced two sons and nothing else, agreed.

"I wish these lesbian bull-dykes with their careers and their atheistic ideas would just stop being so arrogant and get back to traditional values."

Asked what "traditional values" were, she explained that they were "whatever men wanted".

She praised large supermarkets like Pick n Pay for reinforcing women's status in society by still placing women's and babies' toiletries in one aisle while men's toiletries got a separate aisle.

"It's a healthy reminder that women are effectively babies," she said. "We need to be fed, clothed, even burped by our menfolk.

"Maybe, if we love, honour and obey them enough, and don't force them to kill us by being irritating or making eye contact, we might get our own aisle one day. How awesome would that be?"

Meanwhile the government has confirmed that today is Man's Day. Tomorrow will be Man's Day also. The rest of the year will be Man's Day. It has urged women who have a problem with this to stop being hysterical, and to consider the possibility that they are anxious because they don't have a baby to care for, or that they are premenstrual.

Source: Hayibo
claidheamhmor: (AthlonX2)
This is one of my personal nightmares - having some or other script I've written go out and trash large areas of the network because I wasn't careful enough about the parameters.

Bourne Into Oblivion
by Mark Bowytz in Feature Articles

Jerry wasn't the sort of guy who would normally vent frustration out loud at work, yet here he was - cursing into the air at two individuals in particular - the first round of explitives being directed at the toolbag, somewhere, who had botched months of server backups by reusing the same set of tapes for months and the other being a long ago departed developer whose name he was continually being subjected to in the comments of the rotten shell script he was now stepping through.

What had started out as a 7:30am ticket from an early-bird user getting a error message when trying to open a spreadsheet test plan from the week before had turned into a full-on, corporate-wide DEFCON 1.

To make matters worse, Jerry had just delivered his two-week notice a few days prior which meant that in every meeting Jerry was getting "thanked" for the company's current nuclear crisis and that he should have set his little "time bomb" to go off AFTER he was gone. Naturally, while his being "blamed" helped to improve the morale of everyone else, it didn't do much to help Jerry's outlook - especially since it appeared as if this was someone else's "parting gift".

Questions? Please Refer to the Scriptonomicon

For as long as anyone could remember, everyone just kind of just coped with the Bourne shell script that was the framework to a test environment. It was originally designed to run automated tests for a single product, but management was so thrilled at how well it worked that they got other projects to adapt the framework.

Over the next few years, it became the de-facto test framework used by applications throughout the corporation. However, in order to make "one size fit all", it had morphed into something... different. It became one of those gnarly applications that everybody acknowledged was a bit sketchy behind the scenes, but it worked. So long as you stuck to the S.O.P. and knew the different locations where the same value had to be defined and accepted that P_OPERATOR_ID was a unique network identifier that is NOT a normal network ID that you had to get from Chuck in the Infrastructure Group, you'd be ok.

However, recently, the developer who had originally created the framework had left the company in search of greener pastures and, rather than handing off the task of running the scripts to a developer, it was given to a co-op student. After all, running the script was like checking off steps on a list, right? The co-op set up the configuration, scheduled it to run over the weekend, and merrily left it to return the following week. As it turned out, he missed a few details.

Cleaning Up

From a high level, the Bourne script would essentially ssh into each target machine, do its thing, and then exit. As part of its "thing", the designer of the framework wanted to make sure the script cleaned up after itself so subsequent runs of the framework would not re-process old data. To accomplish this, one of the enhancements after the initial release was to add two cryptic variables that (redundantly) contained the project name and the version being tested. Utilizing an unpatched flaw in sudo's setup to gain real root access, the script would then do the following as part of the clean up:

rm -rf $var1/$var2

Ordinarily, this worked just fine, but the co-op student was unaware these SPECIFIC variables needed to be set. With them being left blank, the following was the end result upon execution of the script:

rm -rf /

With the script running as root on a setup with NFS (which, in turn, granted access to everything on the entire UNIX/Linux network and a few Windows Servers via SAMBA), the script had a chance to do a good bit of damage... and it did. Home directories, file repositories, customer data, test results, all seemingly evaporated into nothingness.

All told, it took 6 hours to wipe out the entire network. It took 4 hours to figure out what happened (turns out the script ssh'd onto its own server and the rm -rf wiped out the scripts which did the rm -rf and most the evidence of what happened) and it only took 10 seconds to realize that the latest backups were completely SNAFU'd.

So, as his parting gift, while the most critical drives were being sent off for possible forensic recovery, Jerry was asked to review the test framework and look for any possible flaws where something similar could re-occur. After hitting the 10th instance where deviating from the normal routine would result in some degree of disaster, Jerry knew one thing - even though he had less than two weeks to go, this is one script that would be haunting his nightmares for a long time to come.

Source: The Daily WTF


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August 2016

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